The Life of Dad by Anna Machin

Author:Anna Machin [Dr Machin, Anna]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781471161421
Publisher: Simon & Schuster UK

PART FOUR

The First Few Weeks

CHAPTER SEVEN

I Love Yah, Baby!

Play, Laughter and Building the Bond

Picture the scene. A father returns from a long day at the office. He opens the door and, before he has even had time to remove his coat, his toddler runs towards him with a squeal of delight, arms outstretched. The father lifts his daughter into his arms and throws her above his head, over and over. Soon, the little girl and her dad are hysterical with laughter. Next, he holds his daughter’s hands as she bounces on the sofa, gaining momentum and height with every jump. The dad decides to interrupt this impromptu trampoline session with an energetic bout of tickling before he lifts his daughter up again and aeroplanes her around the room. Finally, exhausted, they both collapse on the sofa in a hug, broad grins stretched across their faces. Daddy is definitely home.

Fathers build deep, profound bonds with their babies that, as we know from previous chapters, can be fundamental to the survival and success of their child. However, as we also now know, beyond changes in his natural baseline levels of oxytocin and testosterone, fathers do not experience the extreme physiological changes associated with pregnancy and childbirth that give mothers a head start in the bonding game. So, what prompts these vital bonds between father and child to develop?

In Chapter Two, we explored the connection that forms between dad and his unborn child, but in this chapter I want to look at the experience of building the arguably more critical bond that develops after birth. For mums, childbirth involves a sea of neurochemicals that are there to start and control the path of labour and provide some respite from the inevitable flood of pain. Luckily for mum, these neurochemicals – oxytocin and beta-endorphin – also have a great side effect: they underpin the bond between a mother and child. Beta-endorphin is a reward chemical in its own right and oxytocin, because of its close relationship with dopamine, also induces feelings of love and euphoria in mum that help her remain bonded to her baby, however tough the long days and nights may be. But although it is undoubtedly an emotional roller coaster for dad, he lacks any experience of the extreme physical and emotional challenges of childbirth, meaning that he must fall back on his physical and verbal interactions with his child to provide the neurochemical kick-start that is required for the all-important bond to form. In the first few days and weeks, finding the opportunity to do this can be somewhat difficult. This period of a baby’s life is largely dominated by mum as the source of food and comfort, and fathers can find it difficult to get a look-in. Obviously, they are vital to their new family at this point – supporting mum, dealing with visitors and keeping the domestic show on the road – but finding an activity that defines their exclusive relationship with their child can be hard. Richard’s

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